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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I'm Not a Gay...

but I AM gay!
A colorful display in a hotel lobby.            
In Sri Lanka the use of the phrase "a gay" would qualify as non-standard English. The word gay is more properly used as an adjective than as a noun. So it would be better to follow the words a gay with a noun as in a gay youth, a gay male, a gay activist, etc.

Of course one can say, for example, either I'm American or I'm an American and both would be correct. The more standard usage of the word gay, however, is as an adjective.

Therefore, I am not a gay, even though I may be very much gay.

<< Brown is a natural, down-to-earth neutral color found in earth, wood ...and in this lovely dude.

For those in Sri Lanka who are sensitive about being outed (rightly or not) as a gay, you may now honestly swear to your inquisitors that you are not a gay.

You can say so with a straight face, even as you gently kiss the secret boyfriend lying beside you.

Disclaimer: The persons depicted in the images presented here are not being represented as gay... but, hey so what if they were? What's wrong with being gay or being thought of as gay... please read on.

A Simple Human Right

But why protest the label of gay however it is used?

Blues and greens become gilded as a late afternoon sun casts its yellow hue over Dodanduwa Lake. >>

Why not be courageous and self-confident and, instead, defend the right to be whomever and whatever you are?

It may not be a right enshrined in the Sri Lankan constitution or in the edicts of any sacred text, but it is a human right irrespective of one's nationality, religion, class, age, etc.

It is a human right according to the law of common sense, and a right often denied unfairly on what would appear to be a basis of fear, superstition, prejudice and simple bias.

<< They all wore the same Navy blue polos.

Actually, I am not a big fan of common sense because the expression is often used to defend common practice, which may not in fact be the just or right thing, but simply the more common thing.

Common sense, however, may also be used to suggest that which can be understood and perceived as right by the common man without need to refer to complex laws or legislation.

It is in that sense that I would argue that the right to be the person you are is grounded in the logic of common sense, even if our biased, prejudiced, superstitious and fearful laws and religious teachings suggest otherwise.

Forced Into Action or Denial

But it takes a bit of concerted effort and introspection for the common man to see beyond--or rise above--those biases, prejudices and the like, in order to arrive at a clearer sense of what is right or just.

<< The uniformed sentry has become a less familiar site in peacetime Sri Lanka.

The so-labelled gay person or any other stigmatized individual is obviously encouraged to take the initiative to try to understand what is happening.

Those, however, with shovel in hand ready to dish out the hatred will rarely make the effort to try to understand the thing they blindly berate.

Just as bad, the ill-affected individual may take the less courageous but ultimately more harmful approach of denial--denying what are his/her natural inclinations:

I am not a gay nor am I gay...

I am not attracted to my own sex, nor does the fact that I fantasize as such mean as much...

I am going to get married as the family requires, even as I fear and loathe the very thought of it...

I will miss these guys on the streets of Colombo and around the country. >>

Self-denial ultimately hurts the self even more than stigmatization by others.

Better to face the brief trauma of coming out than living a life of pretense, or worse despair.

True Love and Self-Acceptance

This post, however, in not meant as a call to come out. That is a choice to be based on individual circumstances.

<< I'll always cherish friends like Prasanna.

There are other sometimes subtle, yet equally important facets of the gay story than the need to come out.

One of these subtleties is the fact that sexual attraction or orientation is not always a black and white issue.

That is, it is often not simply a question of being straight or gay--nor even of having a fixed attraction throughout one's life.

It would seem that human sexuality covers a wide range of possibilities and can even be fluid. So the object of one's attraction will vary greatly from individual to individual and will likely even change through the course of our lives.

The labels we assign may confuse and over-simplify this wide variability.

The world we live in often tries to simplify and categorize things to the extent that it often masks diversity. I am not sure if this is unique to contemporary society or whether this has always been the case.

Ironically, in a simpler, more just world--were we to have one--complexity might be more apparent and more appreciated.

Hard to say behind which door stands the prince--all here qualify. >>

An individual's unique sexuality, desires and choices would not be questioned but simply accepted as a true expression of that person's being.

But I'm partial to hairy... Door No. 2, please! >>

And this is my point, that not everyone who has some inclination toward same-sex love come out, as it were, but that we all simply accept our own inclinations, whatever they are, and follow them honestly.

If you love someone and it is mutual, regardless of their sex (gender) or yours, appreciate and revel in it.

Approach marriage as a thing to do or not do, if and when the time is right for you.

Approach relationships with a commitment to honesty and mutual sensitivity. Honor whatever commitments you enter into voluntarily, while at the same time having the courage to reject those commitments that others try to force upon you.

Sri Lankan boys, so beautiful in colors.

If you're thinking of being my baby...

It don't matter if you're gay, straight or bi... just be true to yourself.

You don't need to come out but you need to be honest with yourself and with those who dare to challenge you. You have a right to this.

It is a fundamental right higher than any manufactured by society or religion--whose proclamations often serve to support a power establishment rather than to empower the individual.

Thumbs up? Oh, yeah man! >>

As I digress... Michael Jackson was just one such individual that many in society liked to critique and categorize--he's gay, he's a pedophile, he hates that he's black, he's wacko...

We've heard them all, and it is more an indictment of those small minds who enjoyed spewing out such labels.

Michael Jackson was as complex an individual as any we might have known and therein, it seems, lay his unique talents and beauty.

It don't matter if you're gay or straight.

Photos appearing in this SLM post labelled accordingly are original SLM images. I place no restrictions on their use but only ask for a courtesy link or reference to the Sri Lankan Male blogsite when posting or publishing the images elsewhere.

50 Words (the Author's Aside)

Cultural sensitivity--at best I consider myself someone who thrives in other cultures. In reality I may have my limits.

Eg.--some sit on floors and eat with hands. Quaint, I say--more delicious and fellowship(y), they say. After 10 or 20 times I'm thinking, tables, chairs and forks--Please!

50 words, No. 009 (/)

My latest blogging effort: Urban Vision 999 (Dubai Through the Metro Glass)  

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Blogger නිශාන්ත අනුරුද්ධ said...

i'm also not gay..
ha ha...
however this is nice story & have to think again


Tuesday, December 15, 2009 12:24:00 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

Caesar said "Men in general are quick to believe that which they wish to be true.", think that explains lot of things. I don’t know why ppl wanted Jackson to be gay or any other things they wanted him to be, may be ppl were just not entertained enough or wanted more mystery in the theater we live in, or may be that bring them self impotency. Whatever it is, once they wanted him to be someone, they believe and they interpret everything that way. We see terrorist leaders turn in to Gods, and people wiling the sacrifice their life for that mere idea. So as Nietzsche said, truth lies how we wanted it to be interpreted. It is power, not truth.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:51:00 PM  
Blogger B.D. said...

Nishantha... I hope it means you'll be accepting and open toward anyone. It is such a simple concept that someone may be gay, straight or bi-. I can't understand how people can ever be so shocked by it.

I suppose 90% of the time people pretend to be shocked so no one will think that they too have such hidden interests. The other 10% of people are just naive, I guess.

Wow, Sam, I didn't know we had quotes available from Caesar. Is it the real Caesar or the character Caesar of Shakespeare?

The worse thing is when people believe that some category of people are of less value for whatever reason, instead of recognizing that all are of equal worth and worthiness.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 2:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must admit, I seriously need to find out where you get these pictures from, the one with the guy in the bath tub, that is amazing, what are your sources? (Im the same guy that asked about the other one that I think you got from plantation boys or something, which is unfortunately non-existent)..

Friday, December 18, 2009 1:17:00 AM  
Blogger B.D. said...

One source I have is the blog called KaranXproject. This fellow blogger posts pics which he seems to scour from the Net, without commentary, however, or reference to his sources.

That is a nice image of the bather... wish I knew the original source. I don't know whether the young man is Indian or Sri Lankan.

Friday, December 18, 2009 10:12:00 AM  
Blogger Sam said...

//I didn't know we had quotes available from Caesar//

Caesars Commentaries is not an bad reading.

Friday, December 25, 2009 9:12:00 AM  
Blogger B.D. said...

The link I posted above is broken. Try it again here, KaranXproject.

Friday, December 25, 2009 9:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am say iam true gay contact me 0779310235

Saturday, February 20, 2010 3:50:00 PM  

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